Lately I found out that I can’t write about him for too long, it drains me out completely.
I feel every single emotion all over again either good or bad and it is just too overwhelming for me because it seems magnified and it is like they are all coming in full force.
Whenever I try to write about me and him it gets to a point where I have to stop to let it all sink in and tuck me in for the night.
Kind of like right now. I am writing about the time he picked me up at the airport as a surprise after being away from each other for months. It was one of the best moments but writing about it is making me really happy all over again and really sad because we are back to being apart.
Just like when I tried to write about the morning I had to leave and I can’t go past certain words because I feel my despair all over again.
Powerful emotions, powerful moments in your life they hit you in every single way.
A year ago, I found myself outside a club in Spain, enjoying the loud chatter from people walking by. I was obliviously enjoying my cigarette when unexpectedly a bright eyed, sandy haired, smiling boy approached me to ask if I had a lighter.
This could have been just another stranger but as I would later find out, that night changed my life. Talking to him proved to be easy, laughing with him was a nice distraction and suddenly I was a bit happier with my life. I had gotten everything I had asked for at the beginning of the year. A breath of fresh air, a friend.
I have never been one to believe in things like fate, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; from everything that could have happened in the last two years, every mishap, every fight, everything, it seems like every little thing led me to that moment. That moment when I chose to listen to the voice in my head and talk to a complete stranger. It turns out I was trying to fit all the wrong pieces in the puzzle just so I could see the right one. It has always been hard for me to explain this situation to other people. But they accepted it. Still it seems surreal and I don’t think I could even understand it myself if I tried to.
But once again fate struck me like a lightning bolt.